I recently lost my husband of 38 years (suddenly) and I have not been able to get through the grieving process gracefully. In fact, my whole brain seems to have shut down. I have tried doing my art but I seem to be at a standstill. Any help or ideas would be appreciated.
I still love to draw animals and dogs are a great comfort.
Dear Sue, so sorry to hear about the passing away of your husband, it must be so hard after so many years living together. I hope you have some loving people around you to share and talk with...and I also hope you take good care for yourself...
You know, there really is not such thing as a 'normal grieving process'- everybody grieves at his or her own way and own pace. However there are some similar phases in grieving processes we all go through in different order, described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross --> http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/. When my dad passed away many years ago, it helped me to understand a little bit about my feelings to know about these stages.
What also helped me was to create a drawing in remembrance of him- it wasn't something I was looking for, there was a song crossing my path which described the life of my dad and I decided to make a drawing of it (you can read more about it on my Profile of the Week). Music can be a brilliant source of inspiration for me, I often use lines of songs or titles to create art. And when the song reminds me of somebody, creating that way also make me feel close to him or her.
Take care! Wishing you lots of Strength, Love and Light <3
Please allow me to share this poem I saw last week:
I'm sorry to hear that Sue.
Sue -- I'm so very sorry for your loss. I really can't add much more than what Dez has said -- we all grieve in our own way, and some of us fare better than others. I, too, lost my husband of 46 years -- eight years ago, and the grieving in different ways still goes on. Most recently, I lost my oldest daughter after a four-year battle with cancer, and the grieving goes on, but it's different. I can't really explain that except to say, I have finally allowed myself to cry and I feel better for it. I have also exuberantly continued on with my art, because it is what and who I am. To me, a day without art is like a day without sunshine. You'll have to find your own way, of course, but reading and absorbing Dez's poem would be a really good start!
My best to you, Georgette ♥
Thank you all so much. It has been very hard. At the same time the ambulance came, the em's decided I needed to go to the hospital as well. Turned out i had double pneumonia and fluid on my heart. That wasn't there until i realized he was gone. Weird. So I was in the hospital for a while and we had to wait for weather to clear up for the service. I came home too soon and spent so much time trying to get better that it seemed like the grieving process was delayed. I was so ill at the services that I was not aware of a lot except for a deep mortal loss. But family and friend have been here for me. That helps. If I could just make myself get moving. I don't dwell but my mind seems to have erased itself. Does that make sense? My sister is coming up to stay with me for awhile and that has done a lot to get me moving. This is so much more than i intended to write but it has been a bit cathartic to open up a bit. I don't really know any of you, but i feel a sense of empathy and concern. Thank all of you. The poem is beautiful and I will print it our and put it in a place so that I can read it daily. And tonight I intend to follow the wonderful advice of all of you. And Georgette, I am so sorry for your losses. I cannot imagine losing one of my children. I pray that they outlive me by a hundred years.
Thank all of you and those who will continue to post for your wonderful thoughts.
Dear Sue, I can feel your pain in every word you've written. Please don't feel sorry for writing from your heart, you are safe here and if writing helps, please don't hesitate. Yes it does make sense how you feel empty and can't get yourself moving and in the same time it worries me a little to be honest- it can be you are not ready yet to move on so that might be why your mind unconsciously refuses to take the next step, however if you feel the need to move on with your grieving process, but simply don't know how, it might help to get some help. We are here to help you as friends and that is also how I hope you read my words, but in the end of the day, we are no professionals and it might help to find yourself some counseling...a lot of 'might's'...for you know best how you feel and I do not want to push you in any direction you don't feel comfortable with....Just take care Sue! MUAH
Dez is correct Sue, if writing helps, please don't hesitate.
You are all so kind. I think having my sister here will help a lot. She loved my husband too and is very understanding . She is also suffering from back trouble at the present and it will help me to take care of someone again. We are very close. But you are right. Writing to you has helped me some today. I was suffering from a nightmare hangover this morning. And I feel better knowing that you all are here. I will come back. But it takes more time than I have given it.
Good night and thank you for caring.
And I have considered going to a support group. There is one locally.
That's a good idea Sue.
I am so very sorry for your loss. While I can't relate exactly, I do know that it is a different process for each person. For me, art has been very helpful in grieving a loss. I painted a picture of my dog that I had to put down, and that helped. Another time, I was so hurt and angry, I just painted that emotion until I stopped crying. I hope this helps a little, and also know that you aren't alone. We are all here for you to help in any way we can.
Peace and healing,
Dear Sue, wonderful to hear we can make you feel just a little bit better. All I can say is, ust allow yourself as much time as you need, there are no rules and nothing is common when it comes to grieve. You have had a very 'strange' start of the process while being in the hospital yourself. When my dad died, a few days later, my sister got some rocks on her head, was 'out' for a few seconds, had a concussion and couldn't remember right away what had happened to her dad...she has had some difficulties with it, because she couldn't fully consciously be aware of what happened in that period because of the concussion. Oh well, this is way too much said about me, we are here for you now. Take care Sue! Feel free to post and ask!
Much Love and Hugz, Dez
Hello Sue, the only thing I could say at this difficult time is, be gentle on yourself. Put your usual critic aside just for a little while and create freely. When you are feeling a bit stronger, then as has been suggested maybe you can create something in memory of your husband. I know this might be new for you, but scrap booking might be a good start, taking photos of times you and your husband really enjoyed and embellishing on them. There are a lot of really good scrap booking ideas out there and if original thoughts are just too much at the moment you can simply copy someone else's ideas in a kit to start with.
Hope that helps, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family