Have you ever heard that "life begins at 40"? Well, I'm a believer. I recently turned 40 and I have to tell you that I have experienced a profound change in the past year. All my life, as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be an artist. I remember winning an art contest in the 6th grade. I won with a picture of the Egyptian queen, Nefertiti, that I drew and colored with crayons. But my well-meaning parents soon squelched any artistic aspirations I may have had in favor of more pragmatic pursuits. Long story short, it has only been in the past year that those old feelings have resurfaced. The feeling that I was put here to be an artist. It's what I am. I can't be anything else. I tried for years and years to achieve success and happiness in a 'real job' and it nearly killed me. I became severely depressed. So, being the spiritual person that I am, I prayed - a lot. And something happened. Actually, lots of small things happened that have all pointed me back in the original direction I started in almost 30 years ago.
So, I feel that I have been reborn in a sense. I feel that I am experiencing a new beginning. I am just now doing what I should have started when I was a child - becoming an artist. Looking back, I believe that a great source of my unhappiness was the fact that I was meant to be creative and have never had the opportunity to be so. I have spent my whole life trying to squeeze my square peg self into a round hole that wasn't intended for me.
Funny thing is, I know my parents were right to a large extent. It is very unlikely that I will ever be able to make any money as an artist, but God has re-opened this door for a reason. There have been so many signposts pointing me in this direction. So, I am 40 years old, and I am embarking on a new life and a new 'career'. And I am taking it very seriously. I am training myself to be an artist. I am reading art history and everything else I can get my hands on. I am practicing almost every day. I am a student going to my own school of art education. I am trusting myself (for once) and God to lead me where I need to go and to show me what I need to know. I feel like a flower that is just beginning to bloom. Art makes me happy. It makes me feel excited about life and the prospect of the future. I haven't felt this feeling since I was a child. It died somewhere along the way, but has been reborn. I feel like a sleeper that has awakened. (a line stolen from one of my favorite movies)
I am blessed. At a time when many women mourn the passing of their youth, I feel reborn. I am learning to listen to my heart and trust myself. I am learning to look inward and upward for what is true and right for me.
I truly feel like my life is just beginning!