Have you ever heard that "life begins at 40"?  Well, I'm a believer.  I recently turned 40 and I have to tell you that I have experienced a profound change in the past year.  All my life, as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be an artist.  I remember winning an art contest in the 6th grade.  I won with a picture of the Egyptian queen, Nefertiti, that I drew and colored with crayons.  But my well-meaning parents soon squelched any artistic aspirations I may have had in favor of more pragmatic pursuits.  Long story short, it has only been in the past year that those old feelings have resurfaced.  The feeling that I was put here to be an artist.  It's what I am.  I can't be anything else.  I tried for years and years to achieve success and happiness in a 'real job' and it nearly killed me.  I became severely depressed.  So, being the spiritual person that I am, I prayed - a lot.  And something happened.  Actually, lots of small things happened that have all pointed me back in the original direction I started in almost 30 years ago.

So, I feel that I have been reborn in a sense.  I feel that I am experiencing a new beginning.  I am just now doing what I should have started when I was a child - becoming an artist.  Looking back, I believe that a great source of my unhappiness was the fact that I was meant to be creative and have never had the opportunity to be so.  I have spent my whole life trying to squeeze my square peg self into a round hole that wasn't intended for me.

Funny thing is, I know my parents were right to a large extent.  It is very unlikely that I will ever be able to make any money as an artist, but God has re-opened this door for a reason.  There have been so many signposts pointing me in this direction.  So, I am 40 years old, and I am embarking on a new life and a new 'career'.  And I am taking it very seriously.  I am training myself to be an artist.  I am reading art history and everything else I can get my hands on.  I am practicing almost every day.  I am a student going to my own school of art education.  I am trusting myself (for once) and God to lead me where I need to go and to show me what I need to know.  I feel like a flower that is just beginning to bloom.  Art makes me happy.  It makes me feel excited about life and the prospect of the future. I haven't felt this feeling since I was a child.  It died somewhere along the way, but has been reborn. I feel like a sleeper that has awakened. (a line stolen from one of my favorite movies)

I am blessed.  At a time when many women mourn the passing of their youth, I feel reborn. I am learning to listen to my heart and trust myself. I am learning to look inward and upward for what is true and right for me.

I truly feel like my life is just beginning!

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